Le Monde restaurant Birmingham review.

Hey there hungry hombres!

Welcome back to my blog.

Well, it's been a while since my last review so I thought I'd take the opportunity to use an invitation to a  "soft opening" of a new restaurant in Birmingham as an excuse to do a review for you.

First of all a "soft opening" is when the great and the good from the food scene ( along with yours truly!) are invited to come and try out a new restaurant who's full opening is imminent. It's a good way to get feedback from people in the game of dining out around town and to iron out any problems before the "going live" date.

Le Monde Birmingham. Has opened it's doors for real this Friday 1st August at Brindley place. It's a restaurant that has been doing great trade in it's native town of Cardiff for just about 30 years, so expectations were high for their new venture in Birmingham.
 I went along on the Wednesday before with 3 good friends, two of which aren't complete food fanatics, but know what they like,  and one who lives, breathes, sleeps, and, obviously eats the whole food scene, from street food at Digbeth Dining Club to Michelin starred experiences at places like Heston Blumenthals Fat Duck. He has worked front of house at some major places in his time and also a few years ago was awarded " Britain's best Fish and chip shop" which he was running in Birmingham  at the time with a group of his friends. ( to be honest I could do an entire blog on this guy, his passion for food is infectious and his friendliness with, as far as I can tell, absolutely everyone who's anyone in the Birmingham food trade makes him a great bloke to know, he's also a brilliant laugh and has so many stories, most of which aren't fit to print without possibly libelling someone!)

We all met up for a drink before going in and were giggling like schoolgirls almost immediately. It's a mood that we took with us into Le Monde and only continued to get better and funnier as the night went on.

The restaurant wasn't busy, as you'd expect from somewhere that isn't yet totally operational and as we climbed the stairs we were greeted by the owner and offered a free glass of Champagne. As it would have seemed rude not to partake we stood at the well stocked bar, quaffed our fizz and had a good look round. I took a couple of photo's and had a look at the drinks menu. Two things stood out for me straight away. Firstly, there didn't seem to be any micro-brewery beers and secondly, you could have a single measure of "Hennessey Paradis Imperial" for £100. Yep, £100 for a 25cl measure of Brandy!
Now, the brandy I could understand as it's a real connoisseur's tipple, and a statement after dinner digestive for people with too much money, but to not offer any real ales, local or otherwise, seems to be a bit backward thinking. It's been a long time since "real ale" equated to bearded pipe smokers in arran jumpers standing round a bar discussing hop content, it's much cooler these days as places like the "Brewdog" chain of pubs has proved. There is a very healthy real ale following in Birmingham, as in most big cities, and although I'm not a major fan, one of my dinner friends is and he was really disappointed by what seems to be a bit of an oversight on the restaurants behalf.

We stood around for a bit longer waiting to be shown to our table... and a bit longer still... and waited...and waited. Eventually my foodie friend went and asked where our table was and we managed to find our way ourselves. Bit of a slip up in the service there, I thought. As it turned out it wasn't the only slip up service-wise as the night went on, but more about that in a bit.
We were each given a menu and were informed that the restaurant would prefer it if we went up to the chillers in front of the open plan kitchen and discuss what meat or fish we would like with one of the chefs. Bit of a strange notion is this if you ask me, but at least you can get a good look at the raw ingredients, which is quite a novel idea. so, we all got up and went for a look.

As you approach the kitchen there is a meat counter, a fish counter and, unusually for a restaurant of this calibre, a salad bar like you'd find in a 2 for 1 chain pub restaurant/carvery or the deli at Sainsbury's. It's the same idea too, you pay for a bowl (£4.25)  and go and help yourself to as much as you like. I don't like that idea. It's fine if you're out at a "Harvester" but for a restaurant in Brindley Place that is supposed to be competing for custom with some very high-end and well established Birmingham eateries it's a little bit down market and, it seems to me, a bit of a faff.
We all had a look at the meat and fish on offer and I have to say it all looked really good. lots of different fish from monk fish to salmon, and lots of choice of sustainable species like dace, brill and sole. There were also some really good looking steaks on the meat counter. Not being sure what to do and also being slightly confused as to the various specials on offer, we went back to our table to order a half dozen oysters between us ( £10.95.)

They were magnificent looking specimens! brought to us freshly shucked on a bed of crushed ice with a simple shallot vinaigrette, wedges of lemon and the customary bottle of Tabasco. We did have to wait a few minutes as our waiter went and fetched us a spoon for the vinaigrette but, once we were furnished with all the correct equipment they were gone in a matter of seconds. I do love oysters and these didn't disappoint. The shallot vinaigrette added just the right amount of sharpness to the delicious ozone taste of the plump oyster meat.
So, with the oysters demolished and a nice bottle of white wine ordered it was time to take a look at the starters.
I have always said that if I go out to eat and they have whitebait on the menu, then that's what I will have. It's a good yardstick of how good the chefs are, in my opinion. They're not difficult to prepare or cook, a simple flour, egg wash and breadcrumb pane, then deep fried to a golden brown. Served with homemade tartar sauce and a lemon wedge, they're unfussy, intensely fishy and delicious, I did notice they also did kidneys on toast as another starter but as one of our group had ordered them I stuck with the whitebait (£5.75.) as we all agreed we'd each have something different so we could swap and share everything. Another of our giggly foursome went for the chicken and lamb kebab starter (off one of  the many specials board.) and my foodie friend had the calamari.

Unfortunately, as we were laughing and joking so much I forgot to take photo's of the starters and the fantastic white wine we had been drinking. ( although I do know the wine was £24 for the bottle.)

We were then asked by our waiter if we had been and ordered our mains at the display cabinets, we said no, as we hadn't been told that was what we were supposed to do, so it was another trip up to the fish and meat chillers to pick what we wanted. Here's where it all got a bit confusing. I had gone and picked a nice looking piece of brill and told the chef behind the chiller that I wanted it with beurre blanc sauce, as described on the specials board. (£17.95) I told our waiter who got in a bit of a flap and had to go to the chiller himself to look at the specials board to enter it into his electronic device, he couldn't see what I'd ordered so I had to go up again myself to show him. He then came back and struggled through the other lads orders, all 3 of which were on the menu anyway. It's a strange system for ordering food as you have to keep getting up out of your seat and basically do the waiters job for them, hmmm.

We finally placed our order, along with 4 beers and settled back to wait for the food. To be honest it's a good job my friend is so full of scurrilous rumours because he had to entertain us with his tales for a good while before our starters or even our beers turned up. Eventually we had to ask someone else where our food and drinks were and were sorted out fairly quickly after that.

My whitebait (£5.75)were disappointing. They didn't look like they had been made in house and had been over coated in breadcrumbs, (I like to see my whitebait staring back at me as I devour their compadres) a sure sign they had been brought frozen ( the extra thick coating protects the delicate whole fish inside from the freezing process.) The tartar sauce they came with was, on the other hand, bang on, thick and creamy and crunchy with chopped gherkins and capers, zingy from the lemon juice and a perfect accompaniment to the whitebait, the only thing it lacked was a sprinkle of dill weed. I proffered my plate to my friends who all agreed that the whitebait was a brought in item.
I then nicked a little of the kidneys on toast from my mates plate (not cheap at £6.95, but a generous portion.) and almost instantly wished I'd ordered that instead. cooked absolutely perfectly, still just pink inside and dressed in a wholegrain mustard and brandy sauce, as close to perfect as you can get!
I followed that with a piece of the chicken and lamb kebab (£6.50) from my other friends starter which was a bit of a let down to be honest, overcooked and dry cubes of under seasoned lamb and chicken that none of us even commented on it was so bland.
Finally I had a couple of my foodie friends deep fried calamari (£6.75) which were overcooked and chewy elastic bands of squid deep fried in an oil soaked batter. Rubbish is all I can say.

We did mention to the waiter about the problems with the food but got a snippy remark back of something along the lines of " well, It's not my fault, I didn't cook it!" which in itself is shocking enough to hear from your first point of contact with the restaurant, but from that point on he also referred to each one of us as "mate" whenever he was topping up our wine or trying to get creative with the pots of sauce and trying to do a chefs "smear" of tomato ketchup or extra tartar on our plates, totally unsuccessfully. ( it seems that you're not allowed to put your own tomato ketchup on your own plate, you have to wait for someone to walk past with bowls of various sauces and ask them to do it!)

Another bottle of that really good wine was ordered ( this time we made sure to order it before the first one had run out, just so we actually got it before we had finished our mains.) and we laughed and joked together,calling each other "mate", whilst we waited for our mains.

After another agonisingly long wait for our mains, and asking another waiter what had happened to them we were finally served. ( even my foodie friend was running out of anecdotes at this point!)

My brill was overcooked and under seasoned (thankfully you are allowed to put on your own salt and pepper.) and the beurre blanc was bland and un exciting. It's a difficult sauce to make and it was a good consistency but that was the only plus point really. None of us could tell what the orange dots of sauce on the plate were either.

My real ale fancying friend had the hake (£15.95), which is a fish I really like. It came in a well executed light crispy batter, which I've never seen with hake before. The moist flaky fish inside was delicious and perfectly cooked.

My foodie friend had ordered the whole sea bass(£21.00-£29.95, depending on weight.) which is baked in a salt crust and is supposed to be boned out at the table by your waiter, but was instead served 2 sea bass fillets and then told by our snippy waiter (who presumably wasn't too keen on having to bone out the fish) that what my foodie friend had in front of him was indeed a whole baked sea bass!

My disappointed Kebab starter ordering friend had ordered the monk fish (£16.95) which, as we were all so hungry and by now a little bit drunk,  he had pounced on and almost finished so I didn't bother taking a photo. I managed to sneak a tiny morsel from his plate without getting stabbed in the back of the hand with a fork and there was nothing wrong with it, it had that slightly shell-fishy taste of a good monk fish and was cooked nicely, that's all I can say about it really.
A bowl of chips was also plonked on the table, with nothing to serve them with but by this time we were more than happy to use our hands as we couldn't bring ourselves to ask our now completely frazzled waiter.
The chips were perfectly fine chip shop type chips but again, I'd expect them to be a bit more restaurant-y in such an establishment.
So, mains finished, we had a look at the dessert menu and ordered a creme brulee, a pannacotta, a brownie and a cheeseboard. Sorry, but by this time I just plain forgot to take photo's, we were having such a laugh.

My creme brulee looked good, served with a little Florentine biscuit but I was disappointed yet again as the brulee was obviously out of a packet, it was basically a yellow cream flavoured jelly, set with gelatine instead of being the smooth set custard that I did the recipe for a few weeks ago in this blog. I can't remember how much it cost, but it was around the £6 mark. Not good enough I'm afraid.

The Brownie was served far too hot and tasted of. and had the texture of,  eggy chocolate. Again, brought in, marked up, microwaved and peddled out without a care.

The pannacotta was actually quite nice, served with nice fresh soft fruits and, I seem to remember, a shortbread which was fine.

The cheese board which cost about £8 was probably the best of the four, served with grapes, pear slices and plenty of biscuits.


So, what are my conclusions then?

Well, first of all, I shouldn't try to do a review when I'm in a restaurant with 3 of the most fun dinner guests I could have hoped for. Next time, I'll try to be a little more professional!

Secondly, Le Monde needs to shape up if it is to make it's mark in Birmingham. I had hoped that by the opening date proper it would be sorted out but, after speaking to a mate of mine who went on the Saturday night, that isn't the case. He ended up not paying the bill as the whole experience for him was terrible.

There are things about the place I do like, the fish and meat counter are a nice touch, there's a really good selection of fish you don't find in a lot of restaurants these days and the wine list is incredible. It's a good looking restaurant and, from a quick look at the smart looking website (apart from a few spelling mistakes!) they do do a reasonably priced lunch menu (£12.50).

I suppose as well that I can forgive our waiter, we were quite a boisterous table and he was obviously new to the job.

There is just too much wrong with the place for me to recommend it though. Maybe after a couple of weeks settling in things will improve, but it's not somewhere I'll be rushing back to.

Thanks for taking the time to read this weeks review blog, I'll be back with another recipe for you next week.

Until then,

Happy eating!

Mat.